Haunted Carbohydrates

“Happy Halloween!”  That is what we say.  We don’t say “Fat Halloween!” or “Guilty Halloween!” or “Hate Yourself Halloween!”  We wish good things upon people at this time of year.  We wish them fun frights and silly fears, and tricks and treats and a hangover-free tomorrow.  We don't wish evil on anyone (unless it is in good fun).

I have seen a lot of emails, social media posts, and other various statements regarding how to “resist Halloween candy,” or how to “work off your Halloween candy.”   I’ve seen charts with the calories and nutritional value of each snack size option.  I have seen pictographs of how far I have to run to work off the calories in a Kit Kat or how many jumping jacks I need to do to sweat out the calories in one Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.  I have been sent lists of “alternative options” I can choose at a Halloween party that won’t leave me in a sugar-induced coma.

Are you people out of your mind?

What if I don't care?  What if I really could give zero fucks about how to burn off the candy I will consume leading up to and on Halloween night?  See, here is the thing—I do not put ANY restrictions on the amount of candy I eat on Halloween.  I let myself eat as much as I want.  I like to have peanut butter cups, or peanut M&Ms with breakfast (because, ya know, protein in the peanuts is a good start to your day).  With lunch I prefer Kit-Kats and some tootsie rolls.  For dinner I prefer the plain M&Ms and Twix bars.  I like Twizzlers in the shower because they stand up to the steam.  Right before bed, a bowl of Reese's Pieces makes for sweet dreams.

I don't track the nutritional info of each candy or factor them into my workout.  Who cares?  It’s Halloween!  Don't misunderstand me—I used to track it ALL.  I only allowed myself certain candy items and certain amounts and I printed out the nutritional information of all the candy I consumed. 

Now that I am comfortable eating a mass amount of candy, guilt free, I notice how much everyone is focused on how to take the fun out of it.  When we were kids, our goal was to get our hands on as much candy as we could.  The second goal was to trade wisely with other kids to get the largest percentage of “good” candy.  And our third goal was to eat as much candy as we could before our parents took it away or started raiding the stash.  We did not care about calories, sugar addiction, diabetes.  We cared about taking advantage of a holiday that celebrates candy in perfectly sized packages.  Now it’s all, “well the best candy choice is peanut M&Ms because of the nutritional value of the peanut.” 

People?  Do you hear what you are saying?  The healthiest candy??  That is like saying, “if you are going to inhale carbon monoxide, make sure it’s filtered with citrus fruit and Electrolytes.”  Stop trying to make candy into something it isn’t.  Its like noddle-less lasagna—it’s just not right.  Lasagna needs noodles.  Lasagna is Italian for “lots of pasta.”

I am all for healthy.  I believe is minimizing meat consumption, eliminating soft drinks, eating your veggies, all that good stuff.  But I don't believe in completely denying yourself of something, and then when you give in on that one day out of 365, you suck the fun right out of it like a vampire.  Just enjoy the candy, savor it; without guilt or the need to “walk it off.”  And you know how to best accommodate a Snickers bar into your diet on Halloween?  Have another one.