Living in New York, or really any largely populated city,
one is bound to experience some less-than-desired noise. Sirens, dogs
barking, car alarms, slamming doors--common occurrences. I happen
to live in an apartment building, and in this section of the building,
residents love to congregate. Kids play video games; adults chat and
yell; drunk couples seem to love arguing right outside my door.
As happy as I am to be a part of some of these
interactions, I would be even happier if these instances didn’t happen in such
close proximity to my front door.
So what does one do? I do not like confrontation.
Not to mention the space beyond the confines of
my apartment walls is free reign. I really don't have much of a
right to tell people to be quiet because I can’t hear my Frasier reruns.
When a guy is crying on the phone, telling his girlfriend no
matter how much he tries to eat healthy, he can't seem to lose
weight, I really don't feel comfortable opening my door
and saying "hey buddy--not my problem--have a salad,
and get out of the hallway."
What I have found works best is to play music. It
cannot be just any music; it has to be the scariest music you can find. It
can’t just be loud; it needs to make a statement. This statement needs to be “I might have a
chainsaw in here!” or “I find violence an effective form of conflict
resolution!” And yes, it also has to be
as loud as you can take it. This has worked for me every time. In
other words, it has 100% success rate.
So, in the shadows of the recent Halloween season, and my
love for all things loud and scary, here is a list of suggested tunes to play
if you find yourself being distracted by outdoor voices happening inside.
01. “Prometheus” Septicflesh
Why it is effective: death metal + instrumentals =
scary church vibe
02. “Job For A Cowboy” Entombment of a Machine
Why it is effective: screaming at 25 seconds in is a
little too real
03. “Not Falling” Mudvayne
Why it is effective: the opening
04. “War” :wumpscut:
Why it is effective: German accents--how frightening!
05. “2 Hookers And An 8 Ball” Mindless Selfish
Indulgence
Why it is effective: No one will understand what
they are hearing
06. “Die Eier Von Satan” Tool
Why it is effective: Sounds like you are worshipping Satan
(but really just learning a new recipe)
07. "We Were Made to Love You" Combichrist
Why it is effective: "Hate: Disorder, Love:
Destroy"
08. “Hate This” Grendel
Why it is effective: Guy kills his girlfriend at the end
of the song
09. "As We Decay" Life Cried
Why it is effective: discussing a cadaver where all 4
limbs have been amputated
10. “Comanche” In This Moment
Why it is effective: "Let me hear your war cry!"
And if all else fails, just play one of these bonus
tracks:
“Photograph” Nickelback
“Rockstar” Nickelback
Someday” Nickelback
"If Everyone Cared" Nickelback
"Far Away" Nickelback
No explanation needed, am I right?
I wish you the best in the removal of any outside distractions, and
hope these songs bring you as much peace and tranquility as they have brought
me. And, when you are not out for
revenge, try listening to these songs at a respectable noise level.
Please
note: This is a list compiled of songs that may be
frightening/painful/disturbing to hear for others but I enjoy each and every
single song on this list. . . including the Nickelback . . . .yup . . .even.
the. Nickelback.
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