Soundtrack to Being Fired

I lost my job last week. What I often joked about or saw in overly dramatic Nicholas Sparks-type movies actually happened. It was real. Someone was bringing me into her office and telling me they had some “bad news.” I actually had to pack up my things, give someone my key and leave. Being fired was a lot of things and enjoyable was not one of them.

I started about 7 different blog entries and did not finish any of them because I did not know what to say. Each day, I started writing and I just got confused, distracted, and scared. There was too much to think about to focus on writing. So now, here I am, sitting here and wondering. . What do I say?

Well, what I can tell everyone without hesitation is through all this crap, and through crappy things in my past and crappy things yet to come, I have found and will find solace in music. I surround myself with music that does exactly what I want it to do. I want to be sad, happy, scared, excited; whatever-I can count on my music to help me be just what I want. It is a type of grieving.

Through this most recent experience, I listened to a lot of different stuff. And, for lack of ability to write something more creative, this is exactly what I went through over the last week and one day.

Thursday: I was listening a lot to “Fireball” by Dev before this happened. Not the original version, but the Eli Smith remix. I like the bridge in this version best. This was a happy song that suddenly seemed sad. I did not enjoy listening to it.

Friday: I started listening Korn. Mostly new stuff “Chaos Lives In Everything” and “Burn The Obedient,” the latter being the best choice as I substituted certain names for “Obedient.” I tried to listen to Nicki Minaj but it just didn’t seem right. It was obnoxious to me.

Saturday: I was home visiting my parents so I took advantage of Sirius radio. I tuned into Octane radio, which was mostly heavy metal. After hearing it on Octane, I downloaded “Still Counting” by Volbeat, mostly because of the line “counting all the assholes in the room, and I ‘m definitely not alone.” That song spoke to me, for some odd reason (note sarcasm).

Then I started listening to Drowning Pool’s “Bodies” a lot. It came on the radio in the car once and my mom noted, “didn’t we already hear this song?” Oh yes mom, we did. Then I offered to change the radio station. My mom responded, “No, it’s ok. I am just having trouble singing along.”

“I’m not,” my dad chimed in. “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.”

Sunday: More of the same. I bought “Feed the Machine” by Red. A good angry song. Made me feel good. Then I remembered that I had heard another song by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus earlier in the week and I had not decided if I wanted it or not. I downloaded it; “Face Down.” It is a bout a girl whose boyfriend beats her. Not really relevant to what was happening to me but whatever, there was yelling in it so I thought, why not.

Monday: I started listening to Black Stone Cherry, “Rain Wizard” and “In My Blood.” The later song is a little peppier than I wanted so I had to intermix Linkin Park’s Hybrid Theory and Slipknot.

Tuesday: My parents and I had “Party Favorites” radio station on in honor of my mom’s birthday. I heard “Hangover” by Taio Cruz and decided to download it. I have yet to listen to the whole song. It actually kind of sucks except for the first 20 seconds or so.

Wednesday: I returned home. I listened to more Linkin Park. Mostly “Valentine’s Day,” “Hands Held High,” “Irridescent,” “Shadow of the Day,” and “When They Come For Me.” I listened to “One Step Closer” a few times at the highest volume on my headphones but then my ears started to hurt.

Thursday: I listened to Nero, Skrillex, Linkin Park and Porcelain Black.

Today: I bought AWOLNATION tickets so I started listening to Megalithic Symphony—mostly “Not Your Fault,” “Burn it Down,” and “All I Need.”

Music is there in a way nothing else can be. Music is a friend that comforts you without asking questions or giving advice. My music gets me like no one and nothing else does. Music can make you realize that there is so much more than whatever you are upset or concerned or stressed or mad about.

“Do you feel cold and lost in desperation? You build up hope, but failures all you’ve known. Remember all the sadness and frustration and let it go.”