Free Hugs

Sometimes things affect you differently than you would expect.  For example, when I had Metallica general admission tickets in my shopping cart and then I lost them, I did not expect to cry . . . but I did.

Some things that you think will upset you, actually don't, and then other things that you don't think will upset you, actually do.  When life events, big or small, come up and someone else is upset, hurt, angry, sad, I am not initially sure how to handle it.  Over the years, I have figured out my approach which is treat someone how I would want to be treated.  How would I want someone to treat me in this situation?  And then I do that.  How I deal with pain and sadness is probably different than a lot.  When I am really upset, I need space but I also really need comfort.  

I remember when I broke up with my first boyfriend.  I did it in our living room and then he reluctantly left.  When I walked upstairs to bed, my parents were still up so I went into their room and just started crying.  I didn't expect that reaction because it was my choice to end the relationship, and it was a long time coming, but I truly could barely speak.  My mom was confused and asked me what had happened, did I regret what I did, isn't this what I wanted, etc.  My dad just came over and hugged me.  He didn’t ask any questions or try to understand the situation, just gave me some much needed comfort.

I often look back at this time and use it as an example of how to handle someone who is upset or going through something.  When faced with sadness, my instinct is to hug or offer a hug.  Sometimes people want it and sometimes people don't.  When Hilary Clinton lost to Donald Trump in last year's election, I was crying at my desk and a coworker came over and gave me a hug.  It was exactly what I needed.

Hugs let you hide a little. Remember when you were a kid and you made a fort under blankets or under your desk?  It was a comfort to hide and kind of disappear.  That is what a hug is for me as an adult.  A brief shelter from the storm that is adult life.  

I used to work with a girl that I hated.  I don’t work with her anymore but I still hate her, by the way.  She was dealing with some family things and I saw she was in her office on the brink of tears.  Despite my feelings towards her, I walked into her office and asked "do you need a hug."  Her response was a surprising "yah" and I hugged her.  I comforted that bitch during that tough time.

I never have discounted the importance of a hug.  It is such a basic thing and certainly there are people that don’t enjoy hugging or being hugged.  Feeling someone close to you in a physical sense is one of the most significant natural remedies and methods of healing.  It is something to be done when you are unsure what else you can do.

If you are feeling like you may need a hug and don’t know where you can get one, enjoy my playlist full of melancholy, soothing, dreary tunes to embrace the sadness until you find your hug.